Annie’s point about FFBs disrespecting a BTs parents

If you listen to any lecture about honoring ones father and mother, the kiruvniks will insist that they encourage a BT to respect his secular/liberal parents. It’s quite debatable if they do actually encourage this…but FFBs themselves often do not respect our parents. In fact, they actively disrespect them right in front of us.

As Annie noted,

“The straw that broke the camel’s back though, was the disrespect shown to my parents. All of this “it must be so hard for you to go home� and similar statements disparaging their choices. I love my parents, they have been nothing but supportive of me, and they are much better Jews than some of these frummies. They don’t judge people by their observance, are open-minded, give tzedakah, they CERTAINLY don’t cheat on their taxes, are good patriots (as opposed to voting in the US based on a foreign state)… I could go on and on.�

Look, we could all go on and on about the problem with frummies. And we will. Oh, yes.

But for now let’s stick to the point about FFBs who think it “must have been hard� to have grown up in a traditional secular environment, where we often look to Judaism for morality but not halacha. Where we have an intense respect for secular knowledge, and often a love of the fine arts. Where we have a “don’t ask, don’t tell� policy in the occasional Chinese restaurant. Where we celebrate most of the holidays, but never have the *joy* of a three day yontiff. And where we are constantly reading and debating, though not fighting about things like what makes a lemon-like fruit beautiful. Where we are taught to be sexually responsible, but not shomer negiah.

All I can say to my FFB readers who pity us and feel so bad for us is…I guess it sounds more horrible than it actually is. So if you want to cry for the BT who (nebach) grew up in such a horrible environment that is “hard� for us, don’t you cry in front of us. Jerk.

And to all BTs reading this…do not take that FFB-er than thou trip. Stay away from such people. Do not go to their homes for shabbos. Do not eat their food. Do what Annie did — lay into a tirade about why your parents are actually better than most frummies, and let them know that it is preciesely the contemptuous attitudes like theirs that make you rethink your choice to “live Orthodoxâ€? (as opposed to “becoming frum,â€? don’t say it like that, gives that lifestyle choice too much credit) in the first place.