Partying with Friends
I have a couple of female friends I have known awhile now. They had a party recently. I knew it was going to be a macher scene, and my friend who doesn’t know this crowd as well as I do was anxious about possibly running into an ex-girlfriend. So we figured we would get a little baked before we went, to take the edge off once there.
That turned out to be a very, very bad call. The place was packed…packed beyond belief. How many frat boys can you get into a telephone booth in the 50’s packed. You just couldn’t get in. And it was loud.
During this time, I caught the separate side-glances of a couple of friends. The two women I have known for awhile. But they didn’t stop to wave or anything. To be fair, it was their party, and that makes it more difficult.
But a different woman screamed when she saw me. Demanded I come over right way. I couldn’t help but feel the contrast.
My buddy was freaking out, and wanted to grab a bite, and felt he had to leave RIGHT NOW. I was pretty hungry myself, perhaps in no small part because of the evening’s earlier activities.
Before we left, I said hello to one of the two women, but I felt she didn’t really want to be interrupted with her conversation, and that she wasn’t all that happy to see me. She didn’t mind or anything, she just felt no particular pleasure that I was there. She could take me or leave me, and under the circumstances, when there were other people she preferred to talk to, well…
I left with the hard truth. We have a past, and we have known each other for awhile. Not a romantic past, an overall decent past, with building and fights, reconciliation and support. Both women have been kind to me, and always presented a great challenge to me to do more with myself, because of their own success with their talents. And they will continue to be. But I understood that they just…aren’t quite friends. I would love them to be…but we just…aren’t.
I left dejected. It had taken maybe a maximum of ten minutes.
But…the other woman—not the one I said hello to—well, she called me the next day, and told me she was sad she didn’t get to talk with me. And then she did something quite nice and unexpected a couple of days later.
During our phone conversation, I didn’t tell her how hurt I had been or anything, or really let her know her call had made me feel so much better. I mean, I said I was glad she called, but more politely…not in a tone that she would understand completely.
But I am so glad she called.
13 comments
nice to see you breaking the law like any other good ol’ hypocrite. It’s great that you have helped validate my views on you.
Oy, Kelsey, now I’m sad! Can we get back to the evils of circumcision and kiruv? I think that will make you (and me) feel better.
Fran, using — though not selling — marijuana is effectively (though not officially) semi-legal in NYC. Our current mayor has tried it, and refused to apologize or feign repentance for having done so.
Is he a hypocrite as well? Because he is largely responsible for this policy.
Fran,
Though I don’t condone DK’s admitting to the jsphere his use of pot (well, it’s his blog, still), I can say that it is safer than cigarettes for the most part, in moderation. I doubt DK took more than one or two puffs going to a party where he’d have to be functional. Just don’t go trying it in bulk, or smoke it in other countries, cause then the safety issues get murky.
Also, just so you know, doing marijuana (or smoking ciggies, or even wearing pants) doesn’t make a person bad or immoral. I think as (young) frum jews we are quicker to judge foreign behaviors that we relegate to “secular” jews, or “goyim.”
I love the return of the touching personal experience posts. It’s not all kvetchery; sometimes it’s all about the testifying.
You know, Fran - a lot of your gedolim chain-smoke like fiends. They’re engaging in behavior that they know to be detrimental to the body, and that almost certainly will shorten their lives. Are they guilty of violating halachah?
Assuming they knew the risks of smoking? YES YES THEY ARE! I know some people think that the gedolim or the avot were/are perfect but they arent.
Im not really familiar with NYC and their enforcement being from the midwest but even if the cops dont enforce it doesnt make it legal. Just because your mayor did it and didnt care doesnt make it right or legal. How often do we look to our politicians for moral or legal advice? He is a hypocrate! And so are you! I think if you are going to BLATENTLY break the law, and be so proud of it, you have no right to critize people in ncsy doing perfectly legal things when u cant even keep the law
Note to self: don’t party with Fran.
yeah, its not possible to keep the law and have a good time. I get it now, thats why u haet orthodox jews. They follow the law, you cant follow any law; G-d’s or the government’s. It’s all coming together now….Cant tell DK what to do, even if you run the country or created heaven and earth!!! How dare G-d give DK life then tell him how he should lead it! G-d is lucky DK doesnt kill himself just despite him!
And then she did something quite nice and unexpected a couple of days later.
Oh, man, don’t keep us hanging like this…
hey fran
can you explain the connection between breaking the law and hypocrisy?
and btw, do you jaywalk?
Fran,
DK does not hate orthodox jews. You are projecting.
You will see as you get older that the torah, halacha, rabbis, and freedom of choice are not black and white.
And though just bec. a mitzvah may be required, I personally feel that we do not have to like it or think it is good for us (emotionally). Do I believe that what G-d wants from us is better than what we should want from ourselves? Absolutely. But we are human, and sometimes - no, many times - there are deep conflicts. I have to respect that within myself, and also within others. I may know I’m doing something that’s not 1000% on the level, but if in that moment it keeps me sane and feeling normal, well, there’s a lot to say for that.
Whether you agree or not, is your call. However, we all need to respect each other and stop with the judgement calls. Just when you least expect it, you will be faced with a nisayon you always thought you could pass, and in that moment you’ll understand how challenging this religion can be, and that maybe people who you may have looked down on are not so crazy after all.
some of the many sources for marijuana being outside the jurisdiction of dina d’ malchuso.
http://cannabischassidis.blogs.....l#comments
http://cannabischassidis.blogs.....27malchuso
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