Persian Powder-Puff Protest

There is a young woman whose pride may have been a wee bit hurt by something I wrote. I say this tentatively, because she just posted about it a mere 6 months later.

Halfsours is (still) interested in my post on Persian badass, President Ahmadinejad.

Well, she is specifically interested about the section of that post on Persian women. Or rather, the hairiness of Persian women.

Halfsours writes in “Doing Ahmedinejad a Solid,”

That shouldn’t deter Kelsey from dating an American-Persian. Most of us deal with our hair with ingenuity; we outsource.

We, as a community, have had an implemented a practice since the days of Queen Esther. Backed with all the resources of King Achasveroush’s kingdom, emissaries scoured the Korean countryside. His men traversed perilous mountain peak after mountain peak. Their mission, and that of their successors, has been to find the most aggressive Korean woman of that generation. The Midrash excludes this little piece of our history, but indigenous Asian folkloric record supports my recounting.

Generations of such women have been plucked from their villages. They were never permitted to marry. Like nuns they are completely wed to their spiritual calling; purging us Persian JAPS of the unsightly. Their story has never been shared in any means other than whispers East or West of those Asian mountaintops. They are never seen outside of their meager accommodations in the backrooms of waxing salons in Great Neck and LA. Thus, fear not David Kelsey. Thanks to the painstaking efforts of these fierce, Yellow, women the result is a product of woman that is Korean tested, Ashkenazi approved!

If Halfsours or any of the ladies out there are (still) upset about something I wrote (even six months ago, even more), and especially if it makes you feel unattractive in any way, please feel free to drop me a line, and we can go out for drinks and talk about it. I am sure you misunderstood me. But I think we should talk about this in person. And ck, stop telling chicks not to hit on me. Dick.