Dawn of the Gedoylim

The Gedolim want to take over. What would Israel be like? Halfsours said we should make a dystopian action film about it!

The backdrop will be one of Jewish fundamentalists controlling Israel, where people are dying of starvation, but are not allowed to farm, since it is “a waste of time,” and they must instead pray for help and study the Talmud harder. We could also have “teshuvah centers,” which would be reeducation camps for non-haredi Jews. In the “teshuvah camps,” Jews would be forced to wear black hats in the desert heat, and the women thick sheitels of matted fake hair. Many would faint and die from thirst, starvation, and exhaustion, where they would be forced to pray and repeat rabbinical verses for hours upon hours. This would be understood to be part of the “teshuvah process.” Some of the crimes that would need “teshuvah” would be: eating vegetables without certification; using warm water or soap on the Shabbat; talking to a member of the opposite sex who is not your immediate family. This would include first cousins, who are declared suitable for marriage. Tzniut Police would check homes to make sure married couples had separate beds. A mythical Modern Orthodox underground will be revealed as mostly fantasy…like Orwell’s Goldberg resistance. But people would constantly be on guard against the “Moderns,” and blame them for all of Israel’s sorrows. Young single men caught looking at or talking to girls will be forced to take drugs to “help them control their yetzer hara.” They would be forced to take urine test in order to ensure they were really taking their pills. We will show public whippings for reading a biology or history book, and there will be Modern Orthodox book burnings on Thursday nights.

That’s the background. This is the plot: a very secular Jewish family has their passports stolen by a haredi gang, and are afraid to go to the police, who will only turn them over to the haredi authorities. They seek to escape from Jerusalem and must make it to the American embassy in Tel Aviv without having their two year old son forcibly circumcised (with a metziza b’ peh to boot, we’ll show a big fat greasy chassid in charge of the cutting and sucking to really scare the audience) and being thrown into a Teshuvah Center.

We can also have a chase seen where when the husband is wounded, the haredi storm troopers chase them even without known their identity because a woman (his wife) is driving a car through B’nai Brak, and they know something is wrong. The car gets stuck near the embassy and they need to run for it. Bands of haredi youth will chase them with rocks and acid sprayers, screaming about “The Eruv Rav.”

When the family arrives safely at the American Embassy, the nice blond American female guard comforts the sobbing woman, telling her, “You are in a safe place now. We will get you home.”

[Fade to Black]