Big Aish to Gays: Just Stop Being Gay
October 6, 2008 Aish, Charedim, Kiruv
Traditional Judaism is a pretty tough spot for gay men. So Big Aish has a helpful hint for the gay Jewish community. Stop being gay. And this is a common suggestion in many fundamentalist Christian and Jewish circles.
And according to Big Aish, it’s quite clear how to accomplish that.
I didn’t have to “change” anything. The definition of teshuva is returning to one’s true self, one’s soul. The sexual attraction I felt to other men was not my true nature; it was an attempt driven by my yetzer hara, my baser self, to satisfy unmet needs, a symptom of missed developmental opportunities and distorted perceptions.
The healing path for men struggling with these attractions focuses on the underlying causes. We build trusting relationships that satisfy our healthy need for male bonding in a non-sexual way. We reclaim our rejected masculinity — renounced by us in fear and anger — and re-enter the community of men. Through these actions, we reshape our perceptions, seeing ourselves as the authentic men our souls have always been.[...]
When these needs are met – when men are no longer mysterious, other, unattainable — the sexual attraction to men decreases. As I found my own masculine power within me, the need to seek and consume another man’s masculinity weakened. And in a pattern typical of this healing path, I found that feeling better about myself as a man led to healthy, normal heterosexual attractions.
Does traditional Judaism really believe this?
If so, shouldn’t this strategy also cure heterosexual desire as well? Just have “trusting relationships” with women that “satisfy our healthy need for female bonding in a non-sexual way,” and we’ll no longer want to have sex with a woman. But…it doesn’t work like that.
Is it possible for a gay person to live as a straight person? Or to not live as a gay person? Or to limit some aspects of expression? These are different questions, and important ones for the Orthodox community to wrestle with. But to dismiss that some people are inherently gay is absurd, and ultimately, cruel.
19 comments
So, if traditional Judaism is a cure for homosexuality, why does homoerotic activity take place in mikvahs?
Jeff, it’s a matter of definition.
I once spoke to a rosh yeshiva about homsexual (physical) interaction / relationships between bochurim, which several of my Chasidishe friends had told me were not uncommon. He tried to declare them to be acts of curiosity, not homosexuality. This might hold true in some cases as it’s not uncommon among youths that they try to get an idea of their own sexuality when growing up, but many of those bochurim are young adults with a fully developed, yet supressed concept of their sexual desires.
Studies have shown that people with red hair have a greater tendency towards violence. To “dismiss that some people are inherently” violent is “absurd, and ultimately, cruel. ” LET THEM KILL PEOPLE!!! THEY CANT HELP IT!!!
Shlomo, don’t be silly. Being a red-head isn’t like being a left-handed person which clearly represents a character flaw.
Shloimi, the difference is that consensual homosexual intercourse doesn’t hurt anybody (unless desired). Also, those studies are related to colour psychology, which considers red an aggressive colour (that’s why kitchen knife handles usually either are black or red), but this has got nothing whatsoever to do with actual acts of violence carried out by red-haired people. Also, red-hairedness need not always be genetic as it can also be caused by a condition occurring in children whose mothers consumed alcohol during pregnancy. BTW, that hair colour frumies like to call “dirty blond” is nothing but red.
No, Sarah/froylein. Shlomo is right. Being gay is like being a murderer.
Ah, so if we locked all gays and redheads up, this world would be a safer place?
I once spoke to a rosh yeshiva about homsexual (physical) interaction / relationships between bochurim, which several of my Chasidishe friends had told me were not uncommon.
Yeah, I’ve heard this as well. Jay Michaelson wrote an article about it a couple of years ago, but now, with the way they’ve integrated Zeek into Jewcy, I can’t find it.
Is this true, about a statistical correlation between red hair and aggression? I Googled it, but couldn’t find anything.
Jeff, I’ve only red about studies (in the field of colour psychology) that found out that red-haired people were generally perceived as more aggressive by others.
The danger in homosexuality being accepted, especially with males, is that the normal biological differences in sexual/emotional response are defeated. Males and females are very different. Females tend to need seduction, males not. Males are generally ready to go at a moment’s notice, females on a limited basis. This functions to limit birth rates naturally, as well as the spread of STDs. Too great promiscuity results in STD transmission rates that wipe out the promiscuous and leave those who do not tend towards it.
Males who are attracted to males tend to forgo the male-female courting process and go right to the sex. It is NOT a secret in the homosexual male community that they are the single most promiscuous group going. That knowledge is a longtime theme in the gay culture.
When did AIDS get moving full tilt? During the 60s-80s sexual revolution, and given the number of ostensible gays who are actually bisexual, who have sex with other bisexuals, and the numbers of bisexuals who have sex with heterosexual and bisexual females, lethal STD transmission is pretty much a fait accompli.
The human race has lucked out so far, but if we don’t get a handle on our behavior, those who are not inclined to control themselves and limit their risky ways are going to help wipe us out. Simple as that. Forget airborne infections. Fluid transfer infections are just as good given the way humans behave.
This is not to say that we need to become phobic fascists. But if we don’t get the gay community to stop acting like this is a one-way street where they get all the recognitions and rights they demand without being able to be held to the same standards we push on straights for sexual behavior, then they don’t deserve the things they want. If people went around saying they could do whatever with whoever and not pay a price in terms of societal disapproval, they’d find otherwise right quick. Straights who think the gay culture isn’t any different just simple have never seen it close up. Promiscuity and a heavy resistance to condoms are a long time staple.
suitepotato,
I am not saying that all aspects of the gay rights agenda need to be embraced. I am saying that isn’t helpful to pretend that some people aren’t naturally gay.
According to studies, there are more gays living in committed monogamous relationships than heterosexuals. Also, women need not always be seduced and not all men are horndogs. Let’s get over those 1980s cliches.
“Big Aish to ‘Homos’?” David, why use that terminology? Your target here is obviously Big Aish, understandably, but don’t extend your exuberant mood to gay men. If you are attempting to negate Aish Hatorah’s point of view, why use an un-pc, and rude term, “homo?” Who the hell are you? I understand you were trying to get a certain level of Aish naivete/silly elitism across, but don’t bring gay men – the “good guy” subject of your article down while doing it. You could accomplish the same thing without using that term. Sepasnisht.
Oh, Jesus. Fine, I changed it. Jesus.
Sepasnisht.
That’s gay.
Can I put up a sign in Brooklyn that says, “Just Stop Being Frum”?
Thanks, DK. And thank you, Sarah/F. I read your long monologues a lot of the time and the last thing I do is make fun of them.
They’re soliloquies actually as I’m talking to myself then.
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