Hyphenated Identities

As some of you probably know, I descend predominantly from moderate-left, not liberal-left, stock. My mom was (and sort of still is) a feminist. But a moderate feminist. Now you might ask, “what is the difference between a moderate feminist and a regular feminist?” Well, it depends when and where. A moderate feminist in say, the early 70s, might have just started her own local chapter of N.O.W. But a moderate feminist (in say, the early 70s,) might also have left her chapter of N.O.W., the very same chapter she created, because she felt that the crowd that had gathered was, “a bunch of radical, men-hating dykes.”

Now to be sure, the social liberals are not at all the same as the radicals. But they are more…on the cutting edge.

My point, dear readers, is to explain that sometimes, Reform Jews face dilemmas that you and I do not. Take last names, and changing them. And what to do with your own hyphenated last name, when you are a Reform dude(!), and getting married.

For those of us in the moderate-left, the reality usually is the woman keeps her last name professionally if she wants (for awhile), but often drops even that once the kids start growing. This is still different than in the moderate-right world, where even the toughest business woman cannot wait to jettison her last name to show she closed the biggest deal of all…one with a ring!

But dcc has a stickier situation. In today’s crazy world, when one Reform Jew marries another Reform Jew, that can be a lot of names to negotiate. His sister suggested taking a last name which incorporates all of their four last names. Social-liberalism has its own baggage.

Last names didn’t really mean all that much to Jews traditionally. We were forced to assume them over time. In order to avoid the czar’s army, many of our families had more than one. My own family name was once Onikelsky, but we think we had it for about five minutes, and took the name here, because we were possibly from Jonikelish, a shtetl in Lithuania.

And perhaps dcc’s current dilemma suggests that in some ways, last names still don’t mean all that much for Jews.

Anyway, if you know someone who is Reform/hyphenated, you may want to guide them to dcc’s post. And maybe wish both dcc and his fiancé a mazel tov.

Mazel tov, dcc and Abby.