Total genital excision found to reduce AIDS and some other STDs

Reacting to the results of a small study performed by Johns Hopkins Medical University upon a tribal people in Uganda, the U.N. and the W.H.O. have endorsed total genital excision of all people everywhere in order to curb HIV infections, and other STDs such as the HPV virus.

“This is a very promising study, and I think we need to pour billions of dollars into implementing it everywhere.” Said Dr. Arianne Horowitz.

P.E.P.F.A.R. is also investigating funding to remove children’s eyes in order to prevent onchocerciasis. Dr. Decocks explained that, “While this disease is presently limited in terms of its immediate magnitude to central and western Africa, it has already spread to Yemen as well, and it’s best not to take chances.” Decocks also noted that it is far easier for children to learn Braille than later in life.

Also under review is a U.N. sponsored program, piloted in Uganda, of amputating children’s hands to decrease the chances of rheumatoid arthritis in their senior years. The name of this program is called, “Operation Ibrahim.” Mufti Akhbar ibn Fatwah noted smugly, “We Muslims have known of the prophylactic health benefits of hand removal for thousands of years, but only now is the West finally catching up!”