Category — Heeb

Last minute shopping for…um…the general…Chanukah…season? Here’s some suggestions, courtesy of Heeb Magazine and Myspace.com.

Heeb is throwing five parties this year, and even our Zionist friends are raring to go, though ck has inappropriately announced that he intends to get drunk and pick a fight if possible, which is NOT OKAY. Anyway, the five cities are (besides NYC, of course):

Los Angeles, Chicago, Portland, and Denver. So please spread the word. This is a great way to celebrate nittel nacht, and I know how important chassidic customs are to you people.

The Forward wins big with the WebAward for Best Newspaper Site! Amazing. And guess who won a second tier award? The Frederick News Post! (That’s important, because I am from Frederick, MD).

Young machers according to Heeb Magazine in the Heeb 100 of 5767.

I have been profiled. For my athletic ability. No, I am not kidding. I even got on base (once).

I bet you had no idea.

Full story

Jewdar, Heeb’s humor editor and author, reviews a new Islamic video game.

We at Jewdar are tickled pink to hear about the new video game developed by Iran’s Union of Students Islamic Association. The premise involves an Iranian scientist and his wife taken prisoner by the Americans and, of course, the nefarious Israelis.

Now, we haven’t seen a screen capture yet, and don’t know if it plays well, but how funny is it that the game involves Iranians rescuing hostages?

Full smackdown.

Gawker opines the knishery would make a great new bank branch because, “Despite an endorsement by Heeb magazine, there’s no way this is still a viable business.â€?

Heeb’s editor Rebecca Wiener hits back, and suggests perhaps they should at least get the name of “our beloved knishery� correct when fantasizing about its demise.

As Heeb notes, the name is “Yonah Schimmel,� not “Yonah Kimmel.�

Learn it, Shmeggeges.

And a Kvetcher Exclusive on New Special Knish (Probably) Coming This Weekend: Mozzarella and Wild Mushroom. So get your lactaid pills.

Update: Gawker corrects name and deletes mention of Heeb. Too late. Owned…so owned.

Love is in the air at Heeb.

Below is the documentary of the game between the nationalistic Heebsters versus the universalistic Onions. It was a friendly game. One satirical periodical against another. And we did win one out of three. So the Zionists should shut up with any shtetl comments. It was just a game. A friendly game.

But alas, as Eric Alterman might note, “Nothing is simple when it comes to the Jews.�

First of all, as you can see in the documentary, like my fellow teammates, I played aggressively. And yes, The Onion is a general magazine, and attracts a general readership, suggesting an acceptance of Heeb, a Jewish magazine, in the publishing world. But I reject all suggestions that our participation in dodgeball was somehow an expression of “whiteness.â€? And while I would not claim the experience was an extension of “historical oppression,â€? well, it was not exactly a proof of Jewish inclusion of “white privilegeâ€? either. And no, the fact that I “played aggressively,” has nothing to do with this point. I am just bragging.

The otherwise friendly tournament was marred by an unfortunate incident. Seth was distracted by an unclaimed penny on the court. I don’t want to point fingers or accuse. But the fact is, because of rotation, this loose penny was noticed after The Onion had been on the pennied side of the court; it was not noticed the first time we were there. But The Onion denied any intentional placement of the penny, and I suppose all suspicions of insensitivity and shrewdly calculated manipulation of Jewish propensity towards wealth building are speculative, and best not mentioned. Still, it was an unfortunate incident. If Jewish teams are to maximize their dodgeball experience, referees must inspect the court prior to each and every game, in order to avoid Jewish distraction from loose change which inevitably occurs from all the running and jumping.

So here it is. Again, we won one out of three. If there had been bookies for this match, this would have been considered a win in terms of betting.