Category — Humor

Very good, thanks to SK for this.

Look at those half-naked sluts waving their bare feet around shamelessly…I can’t believe what the younger generation thinks is normal. This is all due to western influence and Zionist corruption.

Picture courtesy of the Jewish Daily Forward

David Duke is, of course, the former leader of the Klu Klux Klan. He is not a nice guy, and certainly no friend to the Jewish community. Many were shocked that the JTA would post his letter to Obama, outlining a lot of white nationalist anger against the Jewish community. I was shocked as well. Shocked at how much of what he said has merit.

Let’s take a look at some of the Krazy Klansman’s issues against segments of the Jewish community before we dismiss his complaints—as so many reflexively dismiss the complaints of white Christians—as racist, and therefore immaterial.

Better-qualified White students, employees, working men and women face intensive racial discrimination that you and the other major candidates deceptively call “affirmative action.”

Check! It is so bad, this gang-banging of whitey, that even the East Asians have joined in, with no outrage from anywhere to the left of race realist circles. East Asians should not be beneficiaries of quotas or affirmative action on anything.

Many White people can no longer use the public school system that their own taxes pay for because “people who aren’t like them” have made their schools awash in violence, educational mediocrity, drugs, sexual degeneracy and gangsta rap.

I don’t know how much gangsta rap really affects the white student population, but in the inner city schools, this is often all too true. I have heard far too many rich Jews condemn working class racism towards minorities in their schools even as they send or eventually will send their own children only to private schools.

Millions of White people who have paid exorbitant taxes all their lives can’t afford medical insurance and decent medical care in no small part because “people who aren’t like them,” such as illegal immigrants and able-bodied, welfare parasites, people who have paid no taxes at all, have overloaded the system.

Here, Duke is only partially correct. He doesn’t want to advocate socialism, so instead he blames it on the tax burden. But it is absurd that so many working class people are paying for others to receive socialized medicine while they receive no coverage. This is cruel and disgusting.

They are bitter because unelected economic czars such as Greenspan and Bernanke, Wolfowitz and a whole coterie of Jewish “people who aren’t like them” have ripped them off and have let so-called “free trade” destroy the American economy.

The Jewish role in promoting privatization and globalization is large and unfortunate. It is a communal embarrassment.

They are bitter because other Jewish Neocon “people who are not like them,” have led us into a catastrophic war for Israel in Iraq, a war that will cost the American people trillions of dollars and that has killed or ruined tens of thousands of American lives (While Jewish dead or wounded are spectacularly underrepresented in those terrible casualties).

The Neocons sold the war, they did not lead the country to war…but Duke’s language is close enough to the truth to hurt, isn’t it?

Christian Americans are also sick of the fact that the Christian meanings of Christmas are being driven from public life, with crosses and nativity scenes banned from public land in our nation’s capital while at Chanukah a huge Jewish Menorah, symbol of Jewish ethnocentrism and Jewish resistance to assimilation, is put across from the White House and dedicated by the Jewish extremists of Habad Lubavitch.

Duke is partially right. Chabad should be driven from both the white house and the public square, and he is correct that their demands for public parity are meshugah.

Does Duke exaggerate a bit? Sure. He is a conspiracy theorist? Absolutely. But he hits far too closely to the reality far too frequently for any of us to be comfortable with where we are as a community, or for where we have helped push this great country in recent years.

Hat tip: EV

“Judge every man favorably” – Pirkei Avos

If you see a fellow Jew eating chazir (pork products) you should not assume he has thrown off the yoke of the Torah. Rather, you should assume he is a meshichiste, a Jew who believes the Rebbe is moshiach. For we have a tradition that when the Meshiach comes, Esau will be purified. And the pig is representative of Esau, and will become kosher as well.

Apparently, even “the global news service of the Jewish people” needs to have a laugh. I am assuming this must be satire.

The JTA reports,

An Israeli firm was named as the most ethical foreign company that works with the U.S. government.

They should have just really gone full-on and written,

“An Israeli and ultra-Orthodox firm was named as the most ethical and pro-labor foreign company that works with the U.S. government.”

mohammed is not a fan of Fran’s “YOU ARE A SELF-HATING JEW!” diatribe (see comment two). Truth is, those docker guys with the button downs and the tzitzit hanging out sling that ninety-nine cent frisbee at anyone and everyone too far removed from their Teaneck-centric P.O.V., and sisters, it doesn’t take much. I know those types well. It’s like, “Hey, where have you been?” And they’re like, “I went to Israel!” And you’re like, “Oh, and what are you doing this summer?” And they’re like, “I’m going to Israel!” And you’re like, “Did you read that interesting story in the City section of the NY Times about the Jews of Brownsville?” And they’re like, “I don’t read the NY Times! THEY HATE ISRAEL!”

Thus, considering mohammed’s own P.O.V., I think we can understand that he felt some solidarity with those of us who are called out as “self-hating” Jews, even if he questions to some degree the description of a secularist as a Jew, but that’s a different issue.

mohammed writes,

I love the way people throw around the term “self hating jew�?. You can’t forcibly impose your concept of identity on someone who won’t accept it, and like it or not, many people don’t find their ethnicity central to, or even a meaningful part of, their identity. Why would you assume that means he hates himself?

I hear this “self hating jew�? shit on a regular basis, and I’m taking the opportunity to ask one of the name callers [editor's note: that would be Fran] exactly what she means by it and what basis she has for that assumption.

Source: 7fatcow

See the 7fatcow for an interesting back and forth, and remember, just because your fellow Jew doesn’t see things your way, it doesn’t mean he hates himself. He probably just hates the Jewish people in their entirety, and is clearly trying to finish Hitler’s job by writing a blog post that disagrees with your own understanding of how the Jewish world should work.

Sincerely,

The Kvetcher (Hitler’s right-hand man!)

Eli Valley teamed up with the incorrigible Daniel “let’s privatize social security” Koffler this weekend. I guess I can appreciate that these two sissies don’t feel safe taking me on singlehandedly and I do recognize that it probably is more of a fair fight if it is both of them against me at once rather than one at a time. Still, I have to say that Valley’s accusations were bizarre.

Valley wrote,

Kelsey, what’s amazing — and, to be honest, somewhat worrisome, and, if people were actually listening here, tragic — about your monomaniacal obsession with mass transit is your perplexing inability to connect the dots. I’m gonna write this as clearly as I can, so clearly that even an overeager hipster with his nose stuck in his “Common Yiddish Phrases” Dictionary (bought used, of course, at The Strand, for 59 cents, after a long ride on the 1 Train from the Upper West Side) can understand:[...]

You are working for the Saudi Royal Family. This is actually a more logical explanation than #1, as I don’t think you’re dumb, just sometimes an imbecile, and that’s okay, it’s part of what gives you your “charm,” the same way, for instance, that a small child, after wetting his or her pants, will have that reddish flush on their face betraying confusion, embarrassment, and a barely discernible trace of rage. That’s you, and that’s why you blog, and again, that’s okay.

I’m just saying there has to be some logical explanation for why, over and over again, you exhort us to public transit while lashing out at people — myself in the past, Koffler here — for mentioning that the influence of money in our politics is one of the reasons we’re so screwed up. And it’s why there will never be the kind of mass transit in this country you keep getting your throat so sore over.

So here’s a question for you to answer, hopefully with greater alacrity than the Clintons disclosing what oil-drenched hands have been dropping millions into their bank accounts:

Are you working for the Saudi Royal Family?

Because I know you can’t be making enough at your own “Jewish” “hipster” magazine.

So just tell us — in round terms, I’m not looking for a full IRS filing here — how much are they paying you for these constant defenses? $350,000 a quarter? Is it just the Saudis, or the UAE too? Dubai? And do they pay you extra for the posts where you stand on your tricycle shouting about mass transit, knowing full well it’s a red herring given our addiction to oil reinforced by their infusion of cash throughout our political system?

Do they buy you bagels and rugelach too? They’re nothing if not shrewd, and I know they’d want you to continue feeling like an LES Jewish hipster even while shilling for Big Oil.

Look inside your heart and give us the honest figure, Kelsey. I’ll give you till tomorrow night to sort through your stubs, invoices, receipts and knishes.

There is a young woman whose pride may have been a wee bit hurt by something I wrote. I say this tentatively, because she just posted about it a mere 6 months later.

Halfsours is (still) interested in my post on Persian badass, President Ahmadinejad.

Well, she is specifically interested about the section of that post on Persian women. Or rather, the hairiness of Persian women.

Halfsours writes in “Doing Ahmedinejad a Solid,”

That shouldn’t deter Kelsey from dating an American-Persian. Most of us deal with our hair with ingenuity; we outsource.

We, as a community, have had an implemented a practice since the days of Queen Esther. Backed with all the resources of King Achasveroush’s kingdom, emissaries scoured the Korean countryside. His men traversed perilous mountain peak after mountain peak. Their mission, and that of their successors, has been to find the most aggressive Korean woman of that generation. The Midrash excludes this little piece of our history, but indigenous Asian folkloric record supports my recounting.

Generations of such women have been plucked from their villages. They were never permitted to marry. Like nuns they are completely wed to their spiritual calling; purging us Persian JAPS of the unsightly. Their story has never been shared in any means other than whispers East or West of those Asian mountaintops. They are never seen outside of their meager accommodations in the backrooms of waxing salons in Great Neck and LA. Thus, fear not David Kelsey. Thanks to the painstaking efforts of these fierce, Yellow, women the result is a product of woman that is Korean tested, Ashkenazi approved!

If Halfsours or any of the ladies out there are (still) upset about something I wrote (even six months ago, even more), and especially if it makes you feel unattractive in any way, please feel free to drop me a line, and we can go out for drinks and talk about it. I am sure you misunderstood me. But I think we should talk about this in person. And ck, stop telling chicks not to hit on me. Dick.

In response to the Talumidic claim that nail clippings can induce miscarriages, C-Girl noted that,

“Nail clippings were very powerful in the days of the Talmud. They have lost their potency since then…”

It has come to my attention that not all my readers recognized C-Girl’s acid sarcasm for what it was.

To clarify, one of the most asinine ways haredim attempt to defend the long-outdated science and nonsensical kaballah voodoo of the Talmud is to claim “the world has changed.�?

This is, of course, quite risible, and when haredim make this claim, you should make fun of them publicly. Find out which masechta they are quoting and what page, rip that page out, and make the haredi eat it in front of his seventeen children. Then make his entire congregation wear an ill-fitting, awkward hat as a punishment, and march them all down the street in it. Within two weeks, they will declare this haredi-hat a minhag, and wear it all the time with pride. Don’t let that frustrate you. We will find a more atrocious hat to make them wear next time they say “the world has changed…�? –- and surely they won’t embrace even that hat! Anyway, we’ll think of something. The point is, we have to employ collective punishment as a way to expose the haredi rejection of scientific method to the world.

Haredism: The more you know, the less you like Judaism generally.

What would you demand for forgiveness?

Seven Fat Cow negotiates…